Sometimes there are things that happen in life that you have no control over. When they are bad we question ourselves. When they are especially bad we wonder why we were put through this to begin with. Why would the world want us to suffer at all? To test our will, our patience, or strength? I don’t buy that. Literally from birth it seems that I was born to harbor a physical pain so unrelenting that to this day… I go insane. All through my life and even now I question the validity of why we are put through such things. The best answer I can come up with is none. There is no reason for it. Its one of the things that life does to us. We either get a sack full of money and a Solstice or a shovel to the face.
I used to believe that things happen for a reason. I believe now that things happen because they happen. If everything happened for a reason… I would have found my reason by now. Instead I just have to push through my pain… no matter how hard I find it to continue on this way. I have climbed up a hill to try and battle my physical demon so many times and I always feel myself tumbling down. Today I realized that maybe I should quit climbing that hill. I always fail every time I try to break free. If there is a reason for me being in the state I’m in… please tell me.
I haven’t found a day where I wake up and feel like I’m never going to be without this weight on me. Today I just finally came to accept that. It hurts more than I care to describe.
